I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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