I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
