did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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