I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
