I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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