I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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