I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
