Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
