i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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