I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
