4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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