my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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