i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I wish there were birth control emojis
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
