I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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