I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
