WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
