You're completely useless in the revolution.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
