I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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