So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
