My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
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