jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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