I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
smell my finger.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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