ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
