he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
