I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize