Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
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