you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
