1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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