i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Walk of Shame today included voting.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I need to align my fucking chakras
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
