Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize