Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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