This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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