tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
