are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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