Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
