apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
