theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
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