Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
