Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
