Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
