maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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