I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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