My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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