I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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