We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
