You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
