i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
