Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
