I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
