I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
