Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
