so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
