I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Randomize
