You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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