my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
