You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
