You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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