I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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