so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize