Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
