in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
