he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
