her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize