it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
