next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
