Yo dont text me then not text me
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
