i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
