sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
