I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
