if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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