highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
The uberlube is also flammable
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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