You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
