We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
