I CAN MOONWALK!
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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