I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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