How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
