Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
