census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
