I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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