I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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