His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
