She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
try to milk me bitch
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