Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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