I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
