She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
