apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
