you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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