Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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