perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
