Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I just pynch a tree in the face
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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