Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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